(ESSENTIAL) Corona Lingo

Language is constantly morphing and it can be quite a task keeping up with new words that are constantly being spawned. This was never more the case than during the current crisis. To assist you in the task of staying current with all the new Corona jargon I have compiled a convenient list of recently spawned words and phrases along with their definitions:

Coronspiracy: Conspiracy theorists were previously easily identifiable by virtue of their conspicuous tin-foil head-gear, but since Corona, coronspiracies are rampant and conspiracy-theorism is basically considered 'main-stream' now. The most pervasive coronspiracy involves Bill Gates. Apparently his penchant for allowing viruses to cause mayhem on his operating systems over so many decades has made him an easy scapegoat and he is now (somehow) widely regarded as being responsible for the rampant spread of the Coronavirus.

Coronacation: This word (like so many words) has changed in meaning as the crisis has unfolded. Initially 'coronacation' referred to the forced vacation that many employees were subjected to owing to social distancing policies. But those were in the days when beach-going was still allowed and the living was easy. In recent times 'coronocation' has come to refer to Corona-induced altercations, usually brought on by extended periods of time being couped up with the same person.

Corona-coaster: Refers to the emotional turbulence which these wild days have caused. One day you are feeling euphoric after hearing some news that has revived your hopes, the next day your hopes are dashed to pieces.

Coronfusion: Many people have been left feeling coronfused and dismayed after hearing as many explanations regarding new lockdown-legislation as there are ministers in the cabinet.

Coronatation: Many previously innocuous items and routines have acquired negative coronatations during the current crisis. Take for example common greetings such as hugging and hand-shaking, these are now considered scandalous. Should you have a scratch in your throat, you would now be well advised to stifle that cough. As for hand-sanitizer, that smell will forever after evoke memories of a time I would rather forget.

Social Media Distancing: This may sound absurd in generations to come but it is as true as the chair I am sitting on, that in this time of social isolation there are some of the millennial generation (a very emotionally delicate bunch) that have found the spike in communication during this time to be quite overwhelming and have thus decided to distance themselves from all communication technologies, thereby leaving themselves secluded in peace to enjoy this crisis in a state of quiet contemplation and reflection.

Corona-cut: This refers to a hairstyle that has been massively popularized by the Corona lockdown. Initially it referred to a very short one-size-fits-all DIY haircut using clippers. Over time people have attempted ever-increasingly ambitious variations of this style and have been achieving some truly spectacular results.

I hope you are feeling sufficiently 'brought up to speed' with this humble publication and that you are staying sane during these truly turbulent times.

Maranatha!!